i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
