this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
