The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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