Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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