is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
