Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
