So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize