i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
