I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
