don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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