It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
