I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
