I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
