the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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