It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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