I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
