I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could fuck to npr.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
