lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
