I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
