Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
