omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
