i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
