I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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