singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
