I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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