my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
