Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
