'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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