yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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