I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
