she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
