i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
