They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
