Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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