one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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