Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
