Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
