i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
