I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
