The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
