just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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