I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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