you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
