Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
