WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's always time for handjobs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
