if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
