Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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