My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
