1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
