john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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