apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
