Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
