Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
