the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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