he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
