if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize