Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
