I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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