she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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