I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
