you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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