So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
there is glitter all over my balls
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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