im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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