recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
