yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
