I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
