i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
