the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
