its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
