I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A+ Viking dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
