you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Randomize
