I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
