She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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