My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
