I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize