yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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