Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
