im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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