plz talk dirty to me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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