Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
