Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
