So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
