my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
