I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
