Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Farmville is her only friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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