Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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