He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
