I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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