All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
