I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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