i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
