If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
