tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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