dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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