so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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