I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
