I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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