yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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