What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
