Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
